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Filed under: Just for moms, In the newsOf all the compliments a parent can receive about their child, someone telling you that your kids are "so happy" is by far the most gratifying. It is the one tribute that has the magical effect of instantaneously erasing (at least temporarily) the fatigue, self-doubt and guilt that are a part of the motherhood package. A happy childhood is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child and those deprived of this gift have greater obstacles and issues to overcome as adults. These days, there are innumerable books, articles, websites and blogs devoted to advising parents on everything from discipline, birth order, toys, activities etc. - the list is endless. At the root of all this parental angst is a very basic desire among American parents to simply raise happy kids. Nearly every purchase, from the swing set in your backyard, to the soccer and ballet classes, is a parental calculation in childhood happiness. Clearly, how you define "happiness" will determine how your family's time and money is spent. Is happiness a warm conversation around the kitchen table? Financial security for the family? A safe neighborhood? A sound education?We all want happy kids (let's face it, they're a lot easier to live with), but the question is what does a happy kid look like? My answer is: 'you know it when you see it'. But recent research into the field of "happiness" is beginning to provide parents with more concrete answers. My first reaction to reading about research on "happiness" in a recent article entitled, "How to Raise a Happy Kid", was one of skepticism. My own parenting style relies far more on common sense and intuition than the revolving theories and trends coming from the "experts". For example, the "self-esteem" trend of lavishly heaping on the praise for every little thing Johnny does never seemed to resonate with me. In my experience, kids are too smart. They don't buy it, and it ends up diluting authentic compliments. Thankfully, this article echoed this notion and gives other common sense advice that parents can easily relate to and implement. I especially like that it emphasized the importance of unstructured play and time to use their imagination freely. Frankly, with a little reflection, most of us would arrive at many of the same conclusions. One thing the article does not touch on is the happiness of the parent. When it comes to happy kids, I firmly believe that it starts with happy parents. And if you subscribe to the "If mom ain't happy, nobody's happy" theory, it begins with a happy mom. When I truly embraced motherhood and understood what an important contribution I was making (which wasn't till I was a few years into it), I became a better and happier parent. In this week leading up to Mother's Day, consider gifting yourself some time alone for reflection. I'm not simply talking about "me time" (unless, of course, a day at the spa is the only way to clear your head). Take time this week to privately reflect on the privilege and nobility of motherhood and the joy and love it brings to your life.When I have time and space to reflect, it doesn't take long for me to realize that along with my husband, my kids are hands down, my favorite people to be around. I think my kids know that. And when a child knows that deep down in their soul, it is a treasure beyond description and perhaps, their very first experience with true, divine happiness. Permalink | Email this | Comments

Posted on Tue, 06 May 2008 11:00:00 EST at http://www.parentdish.com/2008/05/06/the...appy-kids/
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